From Under the Rubble of Divorce

Implosion: a sudden inward collapse
Does this feel like your life right now? If you are divorcing, it likely does. Life as you know it has collapsed directly on top of you and you are feeling the weight of the rubble. All that you have believed to be true is now in question: family, love, trust, marriage, parenting, your religion, your career, your assets, your money. This is pressure like no other you have ever experienced. If only it was an explosion and you were left with the destruction miles away from you and blown to bits, but instead, you are lying under it. Don't despair. You will get out of this alive!

1. Remain calm. Find a way to breathe.Calm yourself long enough to develop a device to allow you to breath under the rubble. Like on the airplane, give air to yourself first, so that you are able to help your children. Give yourself a lifeline. Exercise. Talk with a friend. Get a massage. Play a round of golf. Go for a walk with a friend. Go skiing. Spend more time with family members. The goal here is relief from the divorce. Do something that makes you laugh, smile, and create a determination and belief that you will get out of this situation in one piece. Let in a stream of light to the outside world

2. Get the weight off of you.
There are many ways to remove rubble: Destroy what weighs you down, dig a tunnel and exit, ask others to remove it for you or with you, or seek a professional to remove the rubble to reduce the risk of further injury. Depending on the weight and amount of emotion, your strategy will need to adjust. In divorce, this means: reject the self-doubt, forgive yourself, rediscover who you are, lean on others, ask for help (scream for it if you have to), take the time to uncouple well, seek help from a professional counselor or divorce coach, hire a mediator or attorney to help you navigate the legal process.

3. Dust yourself off. Get a clean bill of health.People that get out from under the rubble inevitably are examined by a physician for any injuries, seen and unseen. In divorce, this translates to seeing a trained professional counselor or coach to assess you for injuries and help you to get back on track in the game of life. If you were underground for 24 hours, you would want a shower and cuts and broken bones to be treated. This is no different. Take care of yourself!

4. Walk on.
No person in an accident resulting in being underground chooses to stay there. Would you? There is no reason for you to return to the live at the site of implosion, bury and retraumatize yourself. In divorce, we do this with our minds. Yes, you will remember the divorce. That's okay. But then, walk on. Time will heal...if you allow it. Don't wait for someone else to fix your life. It's YOUR life.

This is a plan of ACTION. This is not the time to lie down and let the weight of divorce crush you. Get involved in the process.