Should You Hire an Attorney?

The question "Should you hire attorney?" implies a very important truth:  You have a choice.  In my counseling and mediation practice, I specialize in divorce issues.  I see many clients in recovery from the court process.  The court process leaves people and families badly broken at best, and more often, traumatized or destroyed.  There is a inevitable rebuilding process after completing a court case. 

There also is a misconception that family court is a kinder court.  That it doesn't resemble the criminal court we watch on television.  It is not a kinder process than criminal court just because it has family in the name of the court.  I have seen otherwise normal functioning children and adults develop outrageous symptoms of obsessive-compulsive disorders, self-mutilation, rage and the like during the family court process only to have those exact symptoms quickly subside when the adults make a mutual decision to release their attorneys and continue the divorce process outside of court.  

I know your family and friends are telling you to get a lawyer.  They definitely don't know what to do to help you and so they are advising you without enough information. As well-intentioned and loving as they are, their advice for you to go to court and nail your spouse for the ways you have been wronged and to protect yourself is misguided and uninformed.  Remember, they do not work with divorce every day.  They have not seen countless cases of divorce.  In reality, if you go to court, you will be on trial for every way your spouse feels s/he has been wronged.   


When it comes to divorce, mediation is the best kept secret out there.  If you still aren't convinced, this side-by-side comparison found at www.divorcewizards.com shows you what to expect.  And this is not an exaggeration.  For every wrong you want to have done to your spouse, it will be done to you as well in court.  Court is a battle, a boxing match.  It is eye for an eye until one of you is down for the count.  After reading this, if you or your spouse still want an attorney, bring a collaborative lawyer with you to mediation, but stay out of court.  

See Also:  Children 'biggest losers' in Family Court, Says Judge  http://www.theepochtimes.com/n2/content/view/14678/

If You Litigate Your Divorce If You Mediate Your Divorce Your combined attorney's fees will be approximately $30,000 or more. You pay for discovery, delays, trials, countless phone conversations between the attorneys. Your combined mediation fees, review by consulting attorney, and paperwork preparation may be less than $5000. The outcome will be decided by a judge or commissioner. The outcome will be determined by you and your spouse. Your attorney will negotiate property and custody issues for you. You will be advised not to communicate directly with your spouse. With the help of a neutral mediator, you will problem solve property and custody issues to design an agreement that works for you and your family. All the filed declarations where you and your spouse make accusations against each other to gain advantage are public records available to anyone to view, even years later by your children and grand children. There are no filed declarations making accusations against each other. You maintain your good reputation. Mediation is a confidential process where decisions are made in a private conference room. If custody is contested, the court will probably appoint a lawyer for your children and the lawyer will probably insist upon invasive psychological evaluations of the family. The two of you will determine what's in the best interests of your children. The Court will determine when you have custody of your children. You can try out various parenting plans to see if they work. You can modify the plans as your children get older without returning to Court. The Division of Property will be based on:                1. How aggressive your lawyer is compared to the other lawyers                2. The mood the judge is in                3. Prescribed court schedules                4. Whether you or your spouse has more stamina for battle. Mediators help you negotiate a fair settlement. Your divorce will follow the timetable determined by the needs of attorneys and the court. You decide how fast or slow you want the process to proceed. You and/or your spouse may not feel committed to the results be-cause of a lack of participation in the process, bitterness fostered during the proceedings, or lack of fairness in the result. Child support, spousal support and parenting plans are more likely to be maintained when mutually decided. Even the most poised, self assured individuals can find themselves one of the walking wounded after experiencing a day of the antagonistic debilitating and emotionally draining experience of watching your spouse and yourself being torn to shreds in court. You will maintain your dignity. You will experience the challenge of working with your spouse to make the best of a bad situation. If you can't save the marriage, save the divorce.

Adapted from articles written by Royce Orleans Hurst, Esq. of the Law and Mediation offices of Royce Orleans Hurst, Newport Beach, Ca.