Divorce is often depicted as a war between two people. Images of hate-filled fighting and conniving manipulation are likely to come to mind when we hear the word "divorce." However, this idea of divorce is only reality for a very small percentage of divorcing couples. The stereotype exists because of this 20-25% percent's intense distress and repeated destructive behavior that commands the share of society's attention. The reality is far from this perception.
Most couples do experience their share of pain and difficulty in working through the process of divorce, but it is more due to the struggle of getting through the uncharted waters of divorce than the hatred and manipulation between them. More commonly, couples find that they have the ability to communicate and cooperate about their children. While they are moderately angry, they are not consumed with hatred for the other person. In fact, more often than not, they divorce in sadness rather than great anger.
Among the 75-80% of divorcing couples are those who seek to divorce with less bitterness and wish for a different forum for divorcing than the stereotypical battle. It is so important for people to know that there is a way which allows them to divorce that preserves some dignity and self-esteem and protects their children from unnecessary risk and harm. Not just those that are divorcing, but society as a whole to be aware that this option is available to your loved ones.
Too many people contact me after getting into litigation, wishing they had never started. Because of society's understanding of divorce, all people know is to get an attorney. Only when they are in the middle of the battle do they realize, this is never where they wanted to be. Perhaps it's because they are losing so much money, or the communication around their children has become a source of conflict, or their anxiety is high and their counselor is telling them they need to be doing this through mediation - for their sake and their children's.
Let's spare our loved ones the hardships and inform them of mediation upfront. If you know of someone getting divorce and truly want to help them, informing them of mediation for divorce is one of the single best ways to help them and their children.
Most couples do experience their share of pain and difficulty in working through the process of divorce, but it is more due to the struggle of getting through the uncharted waters of divorce than the hatred and manipulation between them. More commonly, couples find that they have the ability to communicate and cooperate about their children. While they are moderately angry, they are not consumed with hatred for the other person. In fact, more often than not, they divorce in sadness rather than great anger.
Among the 75-80% of divorcing couples are those who seek to divorce with less bitterness and wish for a different forum for divorcing than the stereotypical battle. It is so important for people to know that there is a way which allows them to divorce that preserves some dignity and self-esteem and protects their children from unnecessary risk and harm. Not just those that are divorcing, but society as a whole to be aware that this option is available to your loved ones.
Too many people contact me after getting into litigation, wishing they had never started. Because of society's understanding of divorce, all people know is to get an attorney. Only when they are in the middle of the battle do they realize, this is never where they wanted to be. Perhaps it's because they are losing so much money, or the communication around their children has become a source of conflict, or their anxiety is high and their counselor is telling them they need to be doing this through mediation - for their sake and their children's.
Let's spare our loved ones the hardships and inform them of mediation upfront. If you know of someone getting divorce and truly want to help them, informing them of mediation for divorce is one of the single best ways to help them and their children.
2 comments:
I find too many people don't know there is an alternative to hiring a lawyer and beating the brains out of each other. And to top it all off, the lawyers I know complain about divorce cases and in their heart of hearts tell me they don't want to handle them anyway! So why prolong the battle? Mediation is the answer, it's just that most people don't know what the question is.
well said jdillon. I do understand that litigation is necessary in some cases, but the majority of them should be in mediation.
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